No, And?

circa 2013 Lower East Side, NYC

Years ago, like so many others, I was introduced to the idea of Yes, And through the world of improv. The concept was energizing: accept what’s offered, add to it, keep things moving forward. It was about flow, possibility, and momentum.

Around the same time, many of us were learning to blog like we were Carrie Bradshaw—typing out our thoughts late at night, trying to make meaning of our everyday experiences and hoping someone out there would relate.

And while I still love both of those things, I’ve come to realize they sometimes pulled me a little off track. Or maybe, to be more honest, I followed them off track—hoping they’d lead me toward belonging.

Let me take you off track too—not in a difficult way, yet in the way that trusting John Mayer won't be the end of the Grateful Dead might just lead you to a surprisingly beautiful night in Las Vegas.

photo cred: me

About 35 to 40 years ago, when I was just a toddler, I began to learn that going along with what others wanted often helped keep the peace. I don’t have the exact research in front of me, but we know from countless studies that many children learn early that being agreeable is a form of safety. That pattern often sticks—and it did with me. There is a video I will share one day that remains locked and adorable, though it does show when I decided to start making other people happy, and mostly at that time, myself too :-) It involved Christmas, a toilet, and why I don't enjoy karaoke today!

This cat love started a long time ago...in New Jersey!

This might explain why I’m sitting in a hotel room, once again, dealing with a toilet that won’t stop running. A hotel where this has happened before. I asked for help, and the response was: “just push harder.” And I had to pause—because at forty, do they really think I haven’t mastered pushing harder? I've pushed hard in so many places: at work, in relationships, in trying to live up to expectations. And to be honest… it’s exhausting.

So why do I keep showing up this way? (and PS I just called the front desk for the third time and asked them to please change my room - more baloney went on - more reason to take a step back from my current schedule to re-evalute what I need to be healthy and it is not a hotel room party next to me on a Tuesday while a toilet is running non-stop for hours!)

Because I’m still learning. I’m a recovering people-pleasing perfectionist. I’ve spent years steeped in the art of storytelling—studying it, teaching it, living it. I can spin just about anything into something shiny, a modern-day Rumpelstiltskin, if you will. And yet, even with all that insight and intention, there are still days when I just want to lay it all down—to stop trying to prove that I’m growing, that I’m vulnerable, that I’m getting it right.

Because sometimes, just being is enough.

Conversely, I know when I’ve let someone down. I feel it deeply. And yes, sometimes others hurt me too. But what I keep circling back to is this: where’s the mutuality in all of it? There are so many of us in this season of growth—healing, recovering, evolving—and I genuinely love this part of my life. I’m in love, I feel grounded financially, I am focusing on all parts of my wellness wheel and I feel more like myself than I have in a long time. But I also wonder: when do we give ourselves permission to simply live again?

There’s a quiet tension right now. Between generations. Between friends. Among families and colleagues. Healing is no longer fringe—it’s part of our shared vocabulary. And yet, once you begin to heal, it can feel like you’re drifting away from people who aren’t quite there, or don’t want to be.

And that’s okay.

It’s also okay to say: I’m tired. I want to keep growing, and I want joy. I want to be present. I want to have conversations that don’t require over-explaining. I want space and connection. And I am sure there will be those that say, why don't you just BE and stop explaining it? Well, see everything above. I love connection and I want to connect and I want to reclaim connecting on my terms. If I go silent, that brings up more conversation.

So maybe we can meet in the middle.

This summer, I’m trying something new—doctor-approved. I am working on a new self-designed wellness program and this is becoming a part of it.

From now through mid-August, I’m stepping back from the way I’ve been trained to use my devices and currently, the leading ways I connect with people in my life. I’ll check social media and messages only when I check my email on my computer, unless otherwise arranged, a couple of times a day, three days a week. I want to be more intentional, to reclaim my attention, and to reconnect in ways that feel real.

This won't always be easy, yet it will bring me back to basics. Back to the summer of 1996, when I had a pen pal club, stamps, stationery, and MTV. And some of you were there for that. Isn't that the coolest part?

If this speaks to you, I would truly love to connect. Personally, professionally, or somewhere in between. You can email me at sunny@sunshinesilverlining.com. I may not reply instantly, yet I will reply with care, and maybe even send you a little surprise in the mail.

Because if we don’t start choosing how we want to connect, the noise will choose for us.

Let’s keep finding our way—on purpose, together.

xoxo snn

P.S. The toilet is still running. But I can handle it—because in 2012, I lived through the Ghostbusters-sounding heater in my NYC apartment on 109th Street. And once you’ve survived that, you can survive anything. If I can find the hard drive with the video, you can bet I will send it to you!